Thankful for You: A Love Letter of Gratitude

November 21, 2017

Need a little love? I have a treasure chest full of it and the map to get you there! Read this love letter of gratitude, for optimal compassion and peace.A Calling

I don’t usually get too personal with blog posts, but I had a little voice in my head and a deep-seated feeling within my whole being to be an example of vulnerability, truth and of course, gratitude this week.

As some of you may know, being a “sensi-seeker”, or what some may call an empath or even a “highly sensitive person”, it is not easy for us to put our heart out there. We will be the first ones to be there for another and listen with a compassionate ear. However, since the pain of rejection (and similar repercussions) of being vulnerable are at stake, we keep a guard up, a lot of the time.

Well, in honor of Thanksgiving week, and Canada’s Thanksgiving last month (as I am Canadian), I am going to write a love letter to everyone I know and don’t know. The ultimate act of gratitude.

What Inspired Me

Recently, I have been reading the book, “Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames” by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk, and spiritual teacher. In the last few years, I have been struggling with my anger and trying to learn how to deal with it in a truly healthy way. I tried “expressing” it through hitting a pillow, etc. like many therapists recommend but it never got better. If anything, I felt like it was getting worse. Thich also talks about this very dangerous method in Chapter Nine, and what to do instead.

I hated feeling this way towards others and myself. When I looked up self-help books for anger, I decided to try a different route, a more spiritual route. And let me tell you, even if you don’t have any anger, this book is amazingly transformative. It teaches you how to turn your negative feelings into peaceful ones and at the same time, heal your relationships.

Gratitude Will Save You

So what does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Well, first of all, holidays are filled with events involving family and friends, which can trigger A LOT of emotions, such as anger. Needless to say, this book could be a lifesaver.

More specifically, at one point it talks about Love Letters and that it is a lost practice. And I don’t just mean between lovers, but friends, family members etc. It tells a story about a woman who is in a broken marriage but while her husband is away for work, she discovers old love letters. Reading these love letters, “she watered the seeds of happiness within herself.”

It talks about this “watering” a lot throughout the book. Basically, to elicit more happiness, you have to water (give loving attention) to the happiness, instead of the suffering within us (which many of us do instead). We focus on what people aren’t doing for us, instead of APPRECIATING how they enrich our lives.

The Heart Sutra

After reading these letters, of course, this woman is inspired to write a love letter to her husband, with the intention of watering his seeds of happiness and thus, begin healing their relationship.

Thich also talks about creating a “heart sutra” that is yours and using these moments of gratitude (when you are so thankful for that other person in your life that you are full of compassion and love). He says it is not enough to just say to them verbally you are thankful for them. He says it is better to go to a quiet space and put your whole being in that feeling and write these loving feelings down.

Basically, this way you are using this very high and positive vibration to transform your inner-being. This way it can awaken within you more regularly. The plant of happiness, gratitude, compassion, and love can then fully blossom. “The moment of gratitude is a moment of enlightenment, of mindfulness, of intelligence.”

Furthermore, he advises, keeping this “heart sutra” close by, so in moments of anger or other negative emotions, (when you forget your true “Buddha” nature) you can remember and again, water the seeds of happiness instead.

This is what this letter is. It is my heart sutra to everyone and everything. I will privately write ones for specific people (especially the ones I have troubled relationships with) but for now, I wanted to awaken the loving power of gratitude, and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

The Letter

Dear those of you who I love, loved before, disliked, hated and don’t even know,

Thank you for your presence. Thank you for being here on Earth, at this moment. I know it probably has been a hard journey. Each day you wake up, is a gift. There are reasons why you are here. If you don’t know them, and even if others don’t know them, it does not matter.

Every day, you are brave enough to face whatever it has for you in store. Every day, every moment you are alive has value. Your presence matters. You affect others and others affect you. We can never live a day where our presence does not matter. Even if you are sleeping in a room all day and do not interact with anyone, you still are shaping the world around you.

Without each unique presence, the world cannot be the way it is. The world is the way it is because of every living and non—living thing. Good or bad, it does not matter because, through every moment, there are lessons to be learned and growth for humanity to be accomplished.

Thank you to every person who I thought or think hurts me. Thank you for teaching me about me. Thank you for allowing me to realize the duality of the universe. Thank you for teaching me to have compassion for my own “dark” side. For I too, have judged too harshly, made inconsiderate comments and felt enraged. Out of destruction, comes creation and this is the most important lesson I can learn.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to create a more dynamic, and enlightened self. Without you, I would be lost in the long search of seeking perfection, on all levels. When the truth is we can’t be in bliss all the time through seeking pleasures and outside perfection. Only through the destruction of the self, can we access our true nature and bliss.

Thank you to every kind, compassionate, generous, authentic, loving, and over-all, inspiring living and non-living thing. You mirror to me, what my true and blissful self is. Without you, I would be lost in darkness and never know how to find my way out.

Without you, there would be no hope, faith or certainty of anything to truly aspire to. You warm my heart and soul and every other person or thing that comes into contact with you.

Thank you for your light and humorous nature. Always teaching me to not be too serious. To be playful, innocent and kind-hearted. Laughter has always been a healing act for myself and I am sure many others. Without you, life would be heavy and the ego would be all-encompassing. Keep teaching us to laugh at life and at ourselves. As we are as insignificant, as we are significant.

Although this is included in the above, a special thank you to Mother Nature. For this, is ALL of our true nature. Destruction and creation, hot and cold, water and fire, windy and calm, night and day. How boring would everything be without this beautiful and natural way? Thank you for teaching me that change is constant and inevitable. Thank you for teaching me to be brave and to stay true to the same intelligence that lies within you, as it is also within me.

I am so grateful to every person who I have come into contact with. You shaped who I am. And, although I probably never told you, my day was enriched because of you. Whether you were driving a little too slow for my liking, or whether you were the kind stranger that paid for my coffee, I can’t thank you enough for teaching me in that moment something about myself, about nature, about humanity, and about the universe.

Never underestimate the value you hold. Every small act, thought, or word spoken can and does affect everyone and everything. You will never know how perfectly significant and insignificant you are. It does not matter.

Even if I am the only person who ever tells you this, please trust me when I say: You ARE one of life’s most precious gifts, because you embody life’s most precious gifts (i.e. love, creation, etc.). We are gifts to each other, now and forever.

Peace, Love, and Light, always,

Sarah -Heart Dancer Womin- (given Native name)

Need a little love? I have a treasure chest full of it and the map to get you there! Read this love letter of gratitude, for optimal compassion and peace.Your Turn

Even if you don’t do anything this holiday season. Even if you give no one gifts and you go to no parties. It does not matter. What matters most is awakening and realizing your compassionate and true nature. As this will be the greatest act of love for yourself, people around you and humanity at large. This letter has brought me to tears of ecstasy. I wish the same for you. But not from reading my letter, but from creating your own.

Thich says that the original Heart Sutra is a scripture that Buddhists chant over and over to enlighten the Buddha within, as it is the essence of Buddha’s teachings. However, suggesting to us that we create our own heart sutra(s) can be far more impactful and transformative, as “it comes from your heart- not from the heart of a Bodhisattva or the Buddha, but from your own heart. It is your Heart Sutra.”

Gratitude List vs. Gratitude Letter

I am sure many of you have heard of gratitude lists, journals, and challenges- where usually you are to write down what you are thankful for, more in a point form manner. This is a very powerful process, especially if you also write down WHY you are grateful for those specific things or people.

I have done both the list way and the above letter method, quite a few times (the letter form, most of the time without even realizing I did so). And what I have found, especially after doing the intentional letter above, I found a gratitude love letter to be much more powerful. As I was writing it and every time I read it, I feel a very deep love, connection to all that is and what it really means to be and feel compassionate.

I don’t suggest you never doing the list-way, as it is very helpful and convenient when done as a short daily task, but I think it is important to at least write one love letter of gratitude. Even better, do several for specific people or things/situations. Remember it is easiest and most impactful if you do so in the moments that naturally come when you feel overwhelming gratitude. The more you practice this skill of compassion, the more it will show up in your life- for others and for yourself. It is the most powerful tool for living a truly joyful life.

Pass it On

I am not typically so blatant in my requests but, I am asking you, as my readers to share this article. Why? Well, this article is a bit different because it includes a letter to not only my readers who stumble upon my work, but it is meant for literally everyone. I am sure it cannot get to everyone. But this is my intention: to have this divine love that was spoken through me to be heard by all. And to give everyone a chance to experience this great compassion for themselves, through the writing process suggested.

Even if they don’t hear it from me, I really don’t care. My hope is that they hear and feel it anyway. It is not explainable in words, the type of love that is created out of practices such as this. And, as cliché as it may sound, everyone deserves to be loved, and truly feel it in its purest form: compassion.

If you feel inspired on any level, please share this wherever you feel comfortable. Also, if you take the time to write your own Heart Sutra please comment below. Or, send me a private message with your results. I would love to hear!

And, one more thing…writing in general, has been extremely helpful for me in my healing journey. If you would like to learn more about other writing techniques that can heal your inner-being and bring more joy and peace into your life, then you will love this free 5-part e-mail writing course, that I created just for brave souls like yourself! So, get your pen out (or should I say wand?) and begin your beautiful transformation today.

Making the Best of It: How to Feel Good Even When it’s Bad

November 6, 2017

Learn easy and effective feel-good techniques even in a bad or negative situation. Stay positive and transform your life. Free healing guides available.Taking Control

My life has not always been kittens and rainbows, nor is it now. However, my ability to make it at least feel that way over and over after difficult times has gotten quite impressive.  It is very liberating to actually feel somewhat in control of your life. Not, in a dictatorship-type way, but in a way that says, “Yes, I can make a difference”. You can’t control people or situations but you CAN control yourself and how you positively influence people and situations.

Life seems to always throw some hard balls our way but, it is how we receive them is what really counts.   No matter what the situation is, you can always make the best of it. Even if you have to wait until the situation is over to make the “best of it”, then so it is.

Even during the most dreadful times- for instance, being abused in some way- we can at least take a lesson away from it. You may have to dig really deep but trust me- it’s there. For example, you may need to stick up for yourself to teach people how to treat you better.  That way people will be less likely to attack you. This might seem extremely difficult to do but keep in mind, that no matter what the situation is, it will be much worse in the future if you only take the negative.

The Self-Created Bad “Situation”

Often we feel like something is happening TO us. That the circumstances around us are making us feel bad. But sometimes the scariest place to be is when you feel really crappy and can’t pinpoint why. You can’t say to people “well, such and such just happened so that is why I am in a bad mood.”

When you don’t have an excuse, it can be even more dangerous if you don’t know how to deal with it. This is because you can get stuck in the “beating yourself up” loop: Where you feel bad, for feeling bad!

This could be happening for several reasons and one serious reason is being depressed. If you suspect this at all, I strongly advise you to seek the counsel of your choice. There is no shame in this. The people that care about you much rather see you seek help then go down a dangerous path of self-destruction. You matter and your life matters!!

The Reason You May Not Suspect

Although, some people may go straight to the “oh, there must be something physically wrong with me” stage and blame their bad moods on hormones, etc. I want you to hear me out for a minute or so.

I have another possibility that is rarely talked about. This is regarding the ability to take on negative energy. If you consider yourself an “empath” or HSP (highly sensitive person) you already will be aware of this. It is when “bad” things are happening around you and you take on the negative energy from it- you somehow make it your own. Or, this can happen when people that are carrying negative energy and unintentionally dump it on you.

As a possible empath, it may actually be in your destiny to use this ability to help heal others. However, if you are not being paid for a healing service, it is in no way, shape or form, your responsibility to deal with this negative energy.

So what can you do about it? Well, there are several things (some of which I discuss below) but one of my favourite and simple tools to deal with this specific type of negative energy is stating an affirmation. For example, something like the following: “I send this energy (that is not mine) back to its source, for the benefit of the highest good.”

To incorporate this in the most effective way first put your hand on your heart and take a few deep breathes and say this statement (silently and several times if needed) every time you feel like you are carrying a lot of “baggage” that isn’t yours.

The Dark Vacuum

I also want to reiterate the fact that by only focusing on the negative and letting the negative take over you, dark energy is created around you, and if only darkness is in your energy, it will be more difficult for the light energy to find you.

By making the best of it and trying to find something positive out of a situation, you are encouraging the light to be created and for more of it to be attracted to you and your energy field.  Over time, you will be more of a magnet for this positive and light energy, rather than the negative and heavy energy.

In times when it is difficult to find something positive, think of something that is very basic to be thankful for, like the fact you are still alive. Even just focusing on this and allowing the gratitude to grow, you will be able to open your heart to a loving energy which will encompass you instead.  Doing a short meditation by visioning what this positive energy would look like in detail (colour, texture, and temperature) will increase this positive impact even more.

Allowing the Light In

Some other ways that can help you make the best of it in bad situations would be to ask yourself the following questions and then appreciate the answers;

  • Could it be worse? This first question is to put things in perspective. For example, if your situation is not being a starving child in a war-ridden country with no parents (or something equally or much worse) then the answer should always be “YES, it could be worse”.
  • What can I learn from this? This question is to get you to reflect on how you can make it better next time or choose to not have a next time.  Also, this is so that you feel like you “get” something out of the circumstance.
  • What aspects of this situation are humorous? This can also change your perspective and help you learn to laugh at yourself or, understand how ridiculous other people can be and not take offense.
  • Can I make it better? Empower yourself by creating solutions. Instead of using up your energy on complaining about the situation; use this opportunity to create something of value.  If there really is nothing you can do, besides asking yourself these questions, then say the following: “Even though there is nothing I can personally do to change this situation right now, I lovingly accept myself and what IS. I will allow myself and others to be at peace, and by doing so, at the very least, I will not make the situation worse”. You may not realize but even doing this IS doing something to make it better! 
  • Am I still alive? This last question is usually for the extra difficult situation as I discussed earlier to help you reach for something that you can be grateful for.

Get Out of Resistance

You may notice that even before you review these questions you will have a lot of resistance come up. Meaning, your mind will start playing games with you, and tell you to not bother because your situation is so bad, there can’t possibly be good in it. This happens because our minds are hard-wired with many negative thinking habits that keep us stuck.

To get out of this resistance try the following steps:

  • Say “STOP” silently in your mind: Saying this will help stop the habitual mind chatter.
  • Redirect its focus: Take a deep breath and allow your mind calm. Focus on this breathe intently.
  • Remember these are just THOUGHTS: They are not the real They are your ego- wanting to keep you stuck so it can feel safe. But your real self, knows better: that it is safe to let go, and that it is actually MORE beneficial to change these negative thought patterns, then it is to leave them as is.
  • Help your mind create a new, more positive habit: Go through the first sequence of questions above.

Learn easy and effective feel-good techniques even in a bad or negative situation. Stay positive and transform your life. Free healing guides available.Ask For Help

If you are still having difficulty making the best of a situation by going through these steps, it could be mean they you need assistance through practices such as Energy Therapy. Energy Therapy can help release the energy around these thought patterns.  Also, it would help greatly in creating new, more positive habits, and therefore create better situations in the future. To see more information about my Energy Therapy and Coaching Services, please visit the “At Your Service” pages.

Bonus Tip: Always a Choice

A very crucial point in helping you to get a place where you are making the best out of every situation is by shifting your perspective. From believing that there is no way out of your “bad” situation to realizing you have the power to make the choice to improve it.

One of my favourite movies is “Dangerous Minds” which is about a teacher who inspires her teenage students, despite their lives being surrounded by negativity such as drugs, gangs, poverty, and violence. The quote that has most inspired me was when she told them, “There are no victims in this classroom.” Before she states this she is speaking with the students and trying to convince them that they have a choice to “get on that bus.”  To view the scene, click here.Or, better yet- watch the entire movie!

Stop Being A Victim

I believe the real point she is trying to make here, is that people always fall victim to their own lives by focusing on the negative and giving up hope. Even though it takes a lot of courage to make the “right” choice – it is very rewarding in the end. And unfortunately in order to get to this rewarding place we have to make these difficult choices.

Some people may disagree with me on what I think she is trying to say in this scene but it is something that has stuck with me for years.  Don’t get me wrong, having this philosophy and implementing it into your life is very different and can be a challenge.  But once you make this most important decision, you are choosing to be empowered. And from an empowered state, you can transform your life immensely.

For instance, if one of those students choose to “get on that bus” by working hard in school, getting good grades, then getting a scholarship to a college, then attending that college, then choosing to find a career that will fulfill them- they would then be able to live in a safe neighbourhood, support a family, travel or whatever their heart desires.  Sounds easy, right? Well, of course, it is much easier said than done but as I stated before it would be worth it.

Dissolving the Clouds

Sometimes when we are facing a challenge or multiple challenges our judgment can be clouded and we end up making the “wrong” choice or the one that is not best for us. One of the first steps in getting your mind and spirit into this clear place is practicing activities that will allow for healing. Once the gunk is removed from your psyche and energy field- the right choice will be clear as day.

As mentioned above the clarity questions can help with this. But also, certain tools, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) can make a huge difference in getting you back on track. If you would like to learn how to do this for yourself, be sure to download my free gift, “The Ultimate Guide to Emotional Freedom” where you learn how to release any negative thought pattern, and rewire your brain to believe something more positive.

Or, another very helpful tool would be the “Express Energy Healing Guide” that implements EFT and Chakra healing which benefits the mind, body, and soul on all aspects. It works on each chakra to help you release the negative energy that fuels those unhelpful thought habits.

Be sure to comment below and let me know what your unique struggles are with “making the best of it”. I would also love to hear your thoughts and/or feedback on the exercises above!

Achieve Your Life Goals: Find Your Inner-Motivator (Part 2)

July 17, 2017

Feel unmotivated to take the next steps towards your life goals? Or, simply feel lost in your life? We can help! Achieve success with this free worksheet!Part 2: Getting it Done- the Heart-Based Way

Before proceeding I would like to encourage you to read Part 1: Get Clear and Determine Your True Goals, of this post, as the two posts build on each other and things will make a lot more sense that way.

Use Your WHYS to Fuel Your Goals

Once you get past your fears a little, then you can allow yourself to get excited about your goals, and the happy end-results (your whys). Having this internal motivation will help you get and stay motivated to complete any necessary tasks.

For instance, say you planned to do a task for your new business but aren’t really feeling the mojo to get it goingread/think of your whys. You may have wanted to start your business so you can be your own boss and have more freedom with your schedule.  Reminding yourself of this why will surely boost your motivation, and help keep you focused on achieving your goals.

However, simply thinking of this why may not be enough. When running your own business, you definitely need some degree of discipline in order to get stuff done. To allow your whys to even further help you do this,  start taking smalls steps that are in line with your “why”, for example, the “time freedom” reason above.

In this case, take a close look at everything that needs to get done and things you WANT to do. Practice creating the balance you desire. For instance, you could do the business task right away to get it off the table, so you can go have lunch with a friend. Or maybe you really need to de-stress, so instead, you go to a yoga class and have a shower first. Afterward, you may feel more clear and energized to complete the task.

Use your whys to not only help you get motivated to achieve your goals but also use them as a guide to how you want to live your life. It takes time to create new habits, but with practice, you will start to see yourself already creating the life you want before you even get the goals achieved!

How to Use Your Intuition for the Next “Right” Task

Let’s go back full circle to creating a space that allows you to come up with your clear goals and your whys (i.e. meditation). This is also necessary for determining the next “right” action. So many people simply get stuck in achieving their goals because they are not sure what the next “right” step is.

First of all, let’s talk about the word “right.” There really is no “right” answer. One person may think you should do one thing but then another may think you should do the complete opposite. It is more important to become clear on who YOU are, what YOU want and how YOU want to live your life. And stop listening to others.

I know that means me too, and I am OK with that. My wish is that everyone achieves great spiritual awareness and joy so that they don’t have to listen to anyone else. That they will be able to access the wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and information available in their own hearts and spirits. Because if everyone came from that place, there simply would be less suffering in the world in general.

Your Superpower: Intuition

OK, so let’s get back to HOW we can develop this superpower called intuition. I mentioned meditation which is great, but not everyone is on board with that idea, or they feel like they don’t have the time.

If it is the first reason (i.e. you feel like meditation is not for you), find some other activity (walking, etc.) that allows you be mindful, present and aware. Something that helps you quiet the mind and feeds your spirit.

If it is the second, reason (i.e. you think you don’t have the time to meditate): MAKE TIME. Seriously, I don’t tolerate excuses. Being a stay-at-home-mom, especially when my little one was an infant, left me feeling like I had no time and no energy. However, I knew from the piles of evidence, that meditation (or something similar) would do me a world of good. So, I figured it out AND it did do me a world of good!

Some days, this just means sitting on my balcony, in the sunlight, deep breathing, and closing my eyes for a couple minutes while my daughter plays with her toys. And if I’m not able to get into an actual “full” meditation (at least 10-15 min), I do mini ones like the one above throughout the day. Or, I will do a mindful activity like going for a walk with my daughter.

Mindful activities are a part of self-care. It allows you to be more relaxed, less stressed, more energized, more at peace, have a clearer mind to problem solve better, etc. However, I also encourage other activities that are considered self-care and which many would call “me” time.

Such activities can include; journaling, exercising, doing artwork or other creative activities, learning to play a musical instrument, or how to speak another language, etc.

Self-care is the foundation to getting your goals achieved. Not just because it helps you determine what they are and your whys, but also because it helps you take actions that will get you closer to your goals.

An example of this would be in times where you really feel out-of-sync, lost and/or “blah.” You feel confused on what the next “right” action would be. So what do you do? Do you force yourself to complete a task that may end up being a waste of time? NO! You carve out some “me” timedo some self-reflection, ask your INTUITION and it will tell you the next step.

The answer may even seem ridiculous, like “call Mary, your best friend,” who might not know anything about what needs to be done to accomplish your goal. But maybe, she’ll make you laugh, relieve some stress or anxiety. Then, she may even end up telling you about an awesome site she came across that ends up being a perfect resource which allows you to figure out your “right” next step.

Also, another benefit for taking some time out when you are not feeling motivated is that you will be well-rested and ready to be super productive once that inspiration hits.

Feel unmotivated to take the next steps towards your life goals? Or, simply feel lost in your life? We can help! Achieve success with this free worksheet!

Don’t Waste your “Juice”

That is another thingdon’t waste your motivation “juice” when you do get it. Once you become clear on something and your intuition nudges you to do something and you feel excited, do your best to execute those tasks in the moment, or at least that day when they are fresh. If you can’t, for whatever reason, at least write it down and put it somewhere you can see it (so you can remember). These are prime opportunitiesthe universe, God or whatever higher power you believe in, is telling you it is the right time to take action on this, and it will help you achieve your goals.

If the inspiration is a big one, such as “create a clothing line”Well, obviously you can’t complete all the tasks necessary to do this in even one month, never mind one day. Therefore, do at least one little task that day that contributes towards the ultimate goal. For example, sketch out a design of a shirt, or brainstorm ideas for the name of the clothing line.

You don’t always have to do EVERYTHING in a short amount of time. Remember, time is an illusion and if you are following your intuition everything will be accomplished in the right “time” for the right reason, anyway!

Trust, Trust, Trust

I understand to do things in the ways mentioned above, requires a great amount of trustin yourself, in a higher power, in other people, and in this world at large. But at the end of the day, you don’t need to worry about any other factor than YOU. In the end, you want to be able to say, “I did my part, I held up my end of the bargain, I contributed, I tried and tried and tried again, in many different ways for many different causes.” The rest is to be surrendered. The rest is not up to you. The rest will turn out, and at the very least, it will be OK and for your best growth. That is IF you follow your own inner-guidance and access your intuitive superpower.

To best help you accomplish these exercises and your goals, I have created a free worksheet that will allow you to go through the exercises step-by-step, PLUS more! This is so you can figure out your goals and whys, access your inner-motivator, get things done, and move that much closer to your goals! Click the button below for access!!

Also, if you have any questions, inspirations, general comments, I would love to hear them! Be sure to write them below!

Inner-Motivator Worksheet

Achieve Your Life Goals: Find Your Inner-Motivator!

July 8, 2017

Feel unmotivated to take the next steps towards your life goals? Or, simply feel lost in your life? We can help! Achieve success with this free worksheet!Part 1: Get Clear and Determine Your TRUE Goals

Is It Even Possible??

I don’t know about you, but I know very few people who have achieved all or most of their life goals. Thinking about this may be upsetting and even downright disheartening. How can I achieve my life goals, when I don’t even know anyone who has?

First, let’s talk about perception. If you ask everyone you know if they have achieved all or most of their life goals, their answers may surprise you. Maybe on the surface, it looks like they have, but really they have not. Or, maybe they actually have achieved a lot but don’t show it. We all perceive success differently, and we all have varying life goals.

The most important step and the first one to achieving your own life goals is to stop comparing yourself to others! It is irrelevant whether or not they have achieved their life goals. You won’t get anywhere if you are always looking to others, instead of concentrating on your own life.

The second step is to change your own perception on what even success or achieving these life goals mean. Maybe your life goals are a little far-fetched, take time, hard work, and possibly blood, sweat and tears to achieve them. For instance, the goal of becoming a millionaire. In this case, maybe you need to really look at what you have achieved so far to get there and celebrate those smaller wins.

Reconsider and Allow Change

Or, maybe your goals need a complete re-vamping because they simply aren’t in-line with who you are anymore. Maybe when you were a teenager you thought for sure you wanted to become a lawyer. But after school and having some work experience, you realize it does not match your personality.

Also, take your life circumstances into consideration. Maybe you had to overcome a learning disability, or, you came from a poor family. On the outside, it may not look like you achieved much, but overcoming adversity is one of the hardest things to get through in life and deserves way more recognition and celebration.

Remember, it is more than okay to change your life goals. However, to help avoid doing this too often, (and avoid feeling like you never achieve anything), here are some steps to help you A) Get clear on what you truly you want and your goals, and B) Start achieving them!

  1. Write down your current goalseven the “old” ones that seem to have stuck in the back of your mind for a long time.
  2. Look them over and see what some similar factors are. For instance, maybe it is all about creating a happy, healthy home and family. Highlight and/or write down these words as they come up and how you can link them together.
  3. Ask yourself WHY you have these goals. I recommend doing a brief meditation to help you get clear on these WHYS. Envision yourself achieving these goals. What major feelings come up? Is it love, connection, freedom, etc? In the end, we all strive to achieve certain goals because it gives us something else in return which translates into what happiness means to us. i.e. financial freedom, more time with family, etc. Keep in mind, there could be a few layers to your goals.
  4. Let’s look at a direct example, to give you a more clear idea. Asking someone: What is your career goal?

Layer 1: Graduate law schoolWHY?

Layer 2: To become a lawyerWHY?

Layer 3: To earn a substantial incomeWHY?

Layer 4: To have the freedom to buy an awesome house, nice car, travel, etc. WHY?

Layer 5: To enjoy life (which in essence equals happiness)

Okay, so let’s look at this realistically though. Often lawyers can have long hours and stressful situations to deal with. Therefore, you may have the freedom to buy those things, but will you have the freedom to actually enjoy them and enjoy them with people who you love? 

In this instance, to this person, I would ask: “What career could you do that may get you the same result, but be even better?” To be more specific, a career that would also A) be something you enjoy that allows you to have more time on your hands, and B) be something you really feel you can sink your teeth into and makes you feel like you are contributing somehow.

What do you Really Want?

I’m not saying being a lawyer can’t bring you happiness and make you feel like you have a purpose, but it is the individual that determines that. For instance, another person’s layer for this same goal may read they want to be a lawyer so they can defend victims of sexual crimes, and they want to dedicate their lives to this cause. This will bring them happiness because they are fulfilling a purpose that is in-line with who they are. The secondary benefit to them may then be to earn a decent living.

Most of us want nice things and more freedom. But choosing a career path needs to be about more than survival and achieving only the niceties in life because you spend most of your life doing your “job.” What is the point if you spend 20, 30, 40+ hours a week doing something you hate and don’t believe in just for the money? It will seriously rob your soul and your happiness.

Another thing to consider is maybe TIME freedom is truly more important to you. For example, the freedom to explore the world and/or spend lots of quality time with family and friends. You may be surprised to know, you don’t need to be rich in money to have this. It can help, but usually, people are sacrificing their TIME for money. So then, they actually never truly get what their heart desires because they don’t have the time for it.

So I hope it doesn’t sound like I am telling you what your goals should be. But, I do hope this helped you get clearer as to what your WHYS are, and therefore help determine what your happiness-inspired goals are.

Feel unmotivated to take the next steps towards your life goals? Or, simply feel lost in your life? We can help! Achieve success with this free worksheet!Overcome Your Fears

Now that you are clear on what your TRUE life goals are, let’s move on to get them accomplished! Ironically, this article has been taking me longer than any other to complete, because I am finding it hard to find the motivation to finish it. It is not that I don’t believe in its message, and it’s not even something like writer’s block. I just have felt tired even thinking about doing it, and writing normally feels energizing for menot the opposite.

So I had to ask myself, “Why is this article so hard for me to write.” I then realized it was because motivation is actually something I have struggled with my whole life.  Therefore, I feel inferior teaching about it. This feeling then leads to the whole “not-good-enough” syndrome, which is one of my main thought-habit battles.

I will leave that topic for another day, but my point here is to use it as an example of what stops us from taking the actions necessary to accomplish our goals. In observation of my own life and others, it is that FEAR that gets the best of us. But is it not the type of fear you might suspect. You may not even realize it is fear.

For example, my “not-good-enough” syndrome is derived from the fear of not being accepted and loved. Because I’m in awareness I ask myself, “good enough for what or whom?” And the answer is silent, or “I don’t know.” I could answer, “People in general,” but that is kind of a lame answer. So then I think, “my family or my readers?” Ok, well, family is supposed to love you unconditionally; so really if they do not accept me because I am trying to inspire others, then…why would I want their acceptance?? As for my readers, obviously, if they are reading it they are already interested in the contentDUH. So there you have it, my fear is debunked!!

Becoming aware and asking yourself these types of questions, allows you to really get to the root of your fear and hopefully debunk them with common sense, so you can feel OK again to move on to achieving your goals.

You can Achieve only if you Try

Although a little cliché, one of my favourite questions for this is “WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?” Let’s take the lawyer example again. Maybe you are just at the beginning and you need to go ahead and apply to law school. But, you feel drained from the stress of worrying about the outcome. Maybe you fear you won’t get in. Well, if you ask yourself the above questionthe worst that can happen is that you won’t get in. BUT guess what? You DEFINITELY won’t, if you don’t TRY! So, there you go, you might as well try because if you don’t, your worst fear will happen anyway.

Also, keep in mind that if you do try and your worst fear becomes a reality, you can always try again to the same school or another one. OR, you can take some time off of school and work in a law office to make sure it really is a good fit. Maybe it turns out it was not, so that worst fear becoming a reality, may end up becoming a HUGE blessing because you didn’t waste time and money on something that was not even for you!

Stay Tuned & Free Gift

I got so carried away with writing this article after overcoming my fear that I made it SUPER longha! So, I am splitting it into two parts so you can really take your time to digest the information. Be sure to check back next week for the 2nd part of this article, “Getting it Donethe Heart-Based Way” so you can slay your goals! [UPDATE: Part 2 is now available to read here.]

In the meantime, I have a special free gift, which incorporates the exercises from this article and the 2nd part. Even though it does include the 2nd part exercises, I encourage you to only finish part one exercises this week. And then move on to the other ones after another week (or at least a few days). This allows you time to get even clearer about your goals and your WHYS before jumping onto any kind of action plan.

For now, I would love to hear some of your WHYS and awesome goals that you came up with below! Also, remember I am only a message away for any assistance!

Inner-Motivator Worksheet

3 Ways to (En)lighten Up

June 12, 2017

Learn 3 ways to get in a better mood quickly while still healing the root cause. Also, learn how this can help you get closer to enlightenment!Desperate to Lighten Up 

OK, so I seriously need some laughs after the last few days.  I am dealing with some hormonal issues, (no, I am not pregnant…that I know of?), and have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions.  I wish I could blame my irritability and crying spells on just my PMS, but let’s get real here—sometimes we hold onto our emotions for weeks and eventually they have to come out.

In fact, women actually benefit from getting hormonal once a month. Yes, I said benefit. Why? Well, because it forces us to look at our issues and what has been bothering us. And of course, it allows our emotions to be so overwhelming that it has to be released. As long as we can learn to do this in a healthy way, with no innocent by-standers—it’s all good. That way, we are less likely to keep all of our emotions and issues shoved down. This, energetically speaking, means we are less likely to create illness within ourselves. I say “energetically” because our negative thoughts and emotions create negative energy in our bodies and actually get stuck there. If held on for too long, this eventually results in sickness. Perhaps this monthly releasing is the reason women have a longer life expectancy? Hmm…. 

Although this release of emotions can be a good thing, we also have to keep in mind to not let it run our lives! Release it, let it go, and then for your own sake, move on to happier emotions and experiences. I know how hard it can be to do this, especially when you have reached a depth where it feels like you can get out.  Even still, we need to remember that we DID always end up on the other side. No matter how long it took.   

3 Ways to Lighten Up 

OK, so here are some ways that can help us get there even faster. I thought about writing simple things, such as; watch a good comedy or listen to pop music; however, those are obvious items you could come up with yourself. So, here are some ways, you may not have thought of: 

  1. Imagine you are on the screen: Have you ever watched an extremely dramatic show, (possibly with bad acting), that actually made you laugh? Well, I encourage you to look at yourself for a minute and imagine that it is a TV show. Removing yourself from the situation to try and see it from an outside perspective could not only bring more awareness to the situation, and therefore bring solutions to the possible problem, but can also probably give you a good laugh too. 
  2. Think of someone funny or hang out with them: Think back to one of your funniest friends or family members that made you laugh so hard you thought you were going to pee yourself. I guarantee it will make you smile. Better yet, call, text, message or even stalk them on Facebook, (I’m sure they have some funny posts). Ok, I am kidding about the last one, but seriously, see if they are available for a much-needed pick-me-up. I find talking to someone like this about the situation may seem counterproductive at first. Due to their non-serious nature, they are probably guaranteed to crack some jokes about it. But, if you call them with the intention of wanting to get a good belly laugh and release the stress, you’re less likely to be offended, and actually, be welcoming. I have noticed as well, that the first few hits may not seem to make a dent but before you know it, you are laughing along.  
  3. Connect with your inner child: I consider myself lucky because I have an adorable toddler that is so funny, I can’t help but smile in her presence (unless of course, she is having a “moment” too, ha!). And she is usually my go-to “funny” person I hang out with or think of. Although this is beneficial—because I get to play with her and her toys, sing silly songs, read cute books which can appeal to my inner child too—I am still in mom-mode. So when I say, connect with your inner-child, I really mean the part of you that is child-like in nature. This part also gets triggered by situations that tie into negative past experiences you have encountered as a child. In fact, this may be the whole reason you are on an emotional rollercoaster, to begin with. Children, especially very young ones, do not have the ability to process or control their emotions.  

There are many ways you can connect with your inner-child. In fact, therapists often use these methods to help heal the inner child and therefore heal you. However, for the purpose of this post, I will explain a simple and fun way. First, think of something that you loved to do when you were a child, preferably something creative (which gives an extra healing touch) and do it! Better yet, ask you inner-child what it wants to do that will also help heal and be fun at the same time. You can ask by writing the question on paper with your dominant writing hand. Then, answer with your non-dominant hand.  

Learn 3 ways to get in a better mood quickly while still healing the root cause. Also, learn how this can help you get closer to enlightenment!Why it helps Enlightenment 

I find sometimes spiritual institutions and/or people can take themselves too seriously. Following strict rules, while oppressing our inner-children and creative urges, is honestly the opposite of what we should be doing to get closer to enlightenment. One of our biggest obstacles is the stress we create in our minds. Learning to laugh at ourselves, having good clean fun (no addictive substance needed!) and realizing we are just humans doing the best we can, will lead to forgiveness of ourselves and others, and a lot more love. And isn’t love supposed to be the highest vibration? You know, the one we are trying to get to and why we are seeking towards enlightenment? Yes, I thought so. 🙂 

What are your favourite ways for en(lightening) up? Please let me know in the comments below! Or, check out our free products for more tools and techniques that will get you en(lightened) up!

Give it up…Your Expectations, That is!

May 24, 2017

Explaining the several benefits to letting go expectations. And ways to accept and love yourself and others just as they are.Where they come from

If you have been browsing this site, you may have realized that I consider myself (what I like to call), a sensi-seeker. For more information on what this is, please see this post. Being this type of person, I have come to the conclusion that being kind-hearted usually follows close behind, as we have a great ability to see “the best” in others.

We come from a level of understanding, and often give someone the benefit of the doubt.   We say things like, “maybe they just had a rough day.”  We assume whatever negativity that was expressed was not their true self, but rather just a temporary glitch. We can pick up on their true heart’s desire and see they are not much different than ourselves.

However, there is a great setback in this, for yourself and others. Not the “being kind” part, although this can be a danger too since we can have the tendency to be walked all over. However, I will save that topic for another day. The setback I am speaking of is having too high of expectations. This can lead to let-downs and a host of other problems.

First, let’s talk about WHY this is the case in the first place. Well, let me ask you a question, “Do you have high standards for yourself?” I’m going to safely guess that your answer was a resounding “YES!”

Seeing the potential in ourselves and others can be a great strength to have. However, this can easily morph into expecting this potential to be realized and expressed. When more often than not, because we are still mere humans, this is not the case. Especially for those of us who have not yet “met” their highest self and are completely running their lives through their ego. How can we expect these people to express “perfection”? It is unfair to do so. People are simply doing the best they can at their level of consciousness, including you.

Idealism: Friend or Foe?

A few years ago I took a personality quiz and it told me idealism was one of my main character traits. I suppose you could probably already tell this by this site I created…(ha-ha). One of the main points that stuck with me from the quiz, is that it said this idealism could create high expectations of people, which could translate into others feeling bad around me since they didn’t meet my high and unrealistic expectations.

Honestly, when I read this it made me really sad and I wanted to call old friends and apologize. I never wanted to hurt anyone but looking at my past and current relationships I realized it was one of the main causes of discord. Although I have worked on this, I have fallen into this trap again many times.

Also, I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this scenario. For much of my life, I was afraid of conflict and wanted to please/make others happy. Therefore, I created a persona that showed others that I was always nice, cooperative and agreeable.

If you have done something similar, you will know firsthand the detrimental side effect I am about to discuss. I am not perfect, no one is! So, needless to say, I finally showed my flaws, and sometimes in extreme ways, because I had pushed my real feelings down for so long, in the attempt to be a perfectly “good” person.

These outbursts quickly pushed people away because I made them believe I was “better” than that. I made them believe I never got angry, or that I am always agreeable. I even gave the impression that I will support them in any decision, even it means sacrificing my integrity. 

Unfortunately, (or fortunately) through my healing journey, I discovered creating this persona and trying to be perfect was NOT doing anyone any good. I was actually being dishonest with myself and others. I set myself up for failure in relationships because I created such high expectations. Therefore, when I did make an even small mistake that other people make all the time, it appeared to them that I had “lost” it, or I was all of a sudden a bad person.

The creation of this persona and the destruction of it has been the cause of some great pain. My relationships began to fall apart and even became non-existent. Even today, I am very careful about how I go about setting the tone for new relationships. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out how to mend the existing ones.

My experience with people who had such high expectations of methen quickly turned their back on me, when I turned out to not be what they thoughthas hurt me very deeply. However, I realize, I brought it upon myself, for the most part. Also, it made me realize to not do the same to others. And instead, I am learning how to come from a place of acceptance and love, instead of righteous expectation disguised as “helping” others be their best self. Because really, the best place to start in helping others is coming from a place of unconditional acceptance.

How to Move from Expecting to Love

Do you want the best for yourself? Of course! Do you want the best for others? Of course! OK, you may challenge me on the 2nd answer when it comes to some people, but let’s look at the facts:

  1. When others are happy, they treat others around them better.
  2. When people have what they need and want, they are much more pleasant to be around.
  3. When people are living their dreams lives, they are a lot more generous (because they have more than what they need and therefore have more to give, from energy to time, or money).

Basically, wanting the best for others is actually again saying, you want the best for yourself. And saying you want the best for yourself, also means you want the best for others; because in the end, you will be giving them your best self, which of course is giving them the best!

So now that you know, (or realized you already knew), that others happiness determines your own and vice versa, we can begin the steps that will help you move from expecting too much from others to a place of love.

  1. Encourage NOT Push: We think that expecting the best from others will bring out their best. That is why we push our friends, partners, and children to win. We see, (more often than they can) their greatest potential and talents, so we often wonder, “WHY…are they (not)…doing such and such. They are such a great (blank) OR… they are so smart, talented, etc.” Part of the reason is because of the unspoken (or spoken) pressure they are under. They don’t want to disappoint you or anyone else! Instead of pushing them to win and reach for the “best,” encourage them to be fully themselves and express that in a way that they can get on board with.
  2. Accept whatever IS: Even though you and they want to get from point A to point B, but they are not quite there yet, and maybe they are not moving to point B as fast as you would like, telling them things like “Don’t you have to start training for….? Have you done (blank) yet?” is basically saying to them that they are not living up to your expectations. Instead, don’t say anything, especially if you know they are smart and capable enough to get from point A to point B, or at least they have the resources available to them. After all, it is THEIR goal and lifenot yours, right? Or, if you do say something, focus on what IS. For example, “I see you went for a run yesterday. Was that for your marathon training? You are really inspiring, I think I might try and do the same. Can I come with you next time?” And maybe they haven’t done anything towards their goal they mentioned. Oh well! Again, it is their life and the consequences will be on themso why worry or make it about what you want for them?
  3. Love them anyway: Especially when it comes to our kids, we often make them think our love is dependent on their “success.” Even though we know in our hearts, however, their life ends up, we will love them anyway! Be sure to show and even voice this to them and other people in your life. When they have done nothing to “please” you or even, during or after they didn’t show their best self, say “I love you.” Or, show them by listening, giving them an unexpected token of appreciation (i.e. randomly bring their favourite tub of ice cream home because you know they are having a rough day). Don’t punish them for being human. Instead, love them anyway, and it will encourage them to bring out their best self, you know is there!

A Word of Caution

OK, so these steps might make you anxious, correct? How come? Because you may feel that if you don’t hold on to your ideals, that everything will fall apart and your kids or other loved ones will end up to be homeless addicts. And guess what, if they do, it actually has NOTHING to do with you. Especially, if you are coming from a place of detached, unconditional love.

One major ingredient in this whole scenario that I have not mentioned yet AND is just as important, is one of boundaries! I cannot stress how important clear, healthy boundaries are. This will make the difference between co-dependent love and unconditional love, between being kind and true compassion. And finally, between people pleasing and integrity of oneself (while respecting another’s).

Without boundaries, the steps mentioned above can and will fall apart. This is because you will fall into the other trap sensis experience when trying to be kindbeing a doormat

You cannot realize your best self and reach your highest potential when you are living life for others. Respecting yourself and your boundaries are key in loving others fully because you are loving yourself fully. You are giving your greatest service to others when you mix ALL of these ingredients. AND guess what? You are living with true joy and fulfillment!!

Explaining the several benefits to letting go expectations. And ways to accept and love yourself and others just as they are.A BONUS Side Effect of Letting go of Expectations

When you fully allow to let go of expectations and instead accept what is and love yourself and others fully, something truly amazing happens. YOU ARE FREE!!!!!!!!!

Your energy is lighter than ever because you are not wasting time; you are not waiting for others to get it “right,” or worrying about doing everything perfectly. Your mind is clear, and your energy is not drained by attachments to others’ lives and how they will turn out. Also, you let go of attachments to your own outcomes. You will simply do the best you can in the moment, and know in the end you will learn what you need to learn and move on.

For example, if I let myself go into a place of “OMG I have to write this perfectly and have to market it the proper way, or I won’t help anyone or get what I need from this blog, and my dreams will be ruined.” Then guess what? My worries will become my realityeek! Don’t want that to happen. So, instead, I am learning to just go with the flow, write what inspires me and hope it will inspire others too. Also, I have a deep knowing that even if NO ONE reads this or is inspired by it, I LOVED every minute of creating it. Therefore, it is worth it to me because I am being true to myself and doing what I feel is important right now.

As far as the promoting and business side of it, when I come to those tasks as well, I will do them with integrity and to the best of my knowledge and let it go. If I try to be like someone else and stress myself out about what every person thinks, I will have no energy to live my life in a happy and peaceful way; so really what will be the point then?

I encourage, NOT expect you to get quiet, write down your boundaries, figure out what is important to you and what you need and want, find out who you really are (flaws and all). Above all,  ACCEPT yourself anyway and live your life without regrets that would impact your true happiness.

Did you figure out who you are expecting too much from? Is it yourself? Did you even know this was happening? Comment below and let me know your process and what expectations you are struggling with! I would love to hear from you

Psst…want to know how to get to a place of acceptance? I have the perfect tool for you! Be sure to check out my free guide: The Ultimate Key to Emotional Freedom.

How to Have More Quality Time with your Children

May 13, 2017

Feel like you never have enough quality time with your kids? Learn 10 plus ways you can get your relationship back on track and feel more connected!

Our Blessing, our Struggle

Currently, I am working from home and therefore get to spend quality time every day with my 2-year-old daughter. I feel truly blessed and grateful that my current life circumstances allow this. However, the very thought of having to leave her every day instead, and therefore reducing this precious time with her, makes my heart ache.

So, when I was doing research for this blog post, I was not surprised that many women wanted more of this precious time. When we become mothers, our kids become our whole world. Especially, during that first year or few months where you spend literally every minute with them. And every day that passes, where the time you spend gets less and less (as we see them grow and flourish), makes our heart sink from missing them. On the other hand, we are happy to see them become their own person.

This is a struggle I know now, as a mom, which every parent probably faces. We want our children to grow and become happy healthy adults, but we are scared we will miss out on so much of their lives as well. The last thing we want is to be forgotten. Often our children have no idea how much they really mean to us. However, one of the best ways in letting them know is by having more quality time with them. Which, is a win-win situation for both parties. We mothers get to a bigger part of their lives, and our children get to feel extra supported and loved!

So…What Does “Quality” Mean?

If you are a mother or parent reading this, I probably don’t have to tell you what quality means, but let’s break it down anyway. Below are a few major elements I think are crucial in qualifying as “quality time.” However, later in this article, I will use these elements to further explain how to get more quality time.

  • No distractions such as electronics (and preferably one-on-one time)
  • Lots of eye contact
  • Affection (especially for the little ones but even those teenagers need lots of hugs!)
  • Active listening (actually hearing what they have to say and responding in a way that lets them know you are listening i.e. re-phrasing what they told you back to them to clarify certain points)
  • Heart-to-heart conversations, where you are truly getting to know them as a separate person and you are sharing things about yourself too, (just don’t cross the boundaries into talking about things that could hurt them or make them feel super uncomfortable like spousal issues, for example)
  • Telling them how you feel about them (i.e. “I love you,” “You are important to me.”)
  • Trying your best to understand them. Which, can include certain activities such as researching things that are important to them. And when you are really in a bind, finding someone that can help facilitate the conversationto help give both of you a neutral perspective
  • Support.  Remember, you as the parent, it is your job to be in the driver’s seat. To know when to direct them and know when to step back. This is true support. Sometimes they want you to be involved and sometimes they just need a (possibly silent) cheerleader!
  • Taking a sincere interest in their hobbies, goals in life, etc. You don’t have to like what they do or join in it is more about asking questions. However, if they want you to join in but you are not comfortable with it, do it anyway! You will be glad you did
  • NO FIGHTINGSometimes disagreements can be healthy and part of the development of your relationship, but if the interactions are always negative and things are said that both of you regret (a lot), it is best to seek help. Your relationship with your child is critical to their future well-being and it makes a huge impact on yours too. Often, we fall into old and unhealthy relationship patterns that we were taught, but taking matters into our own hands and being brave enough to seek help will make a HUGE difference. See this page, for my services that can assist.

3 MAIN FACTORS IN GETTING MORE QUALITY TIME

  1. Honesty and Appreciation

First, take a look at the current situation and, ask yourself some crucial questions. Are you creating an environment where the above “quality” elements can be achieved? For example, do you set rules at your house such as; No electronics at the dinner table? And if so, are you following these rules yourself? Be completely honest and really look at the current time you spend with your kids. Does this time have most or all of those elements mentioned above?

Also, don’t complain to others, and especially NOT to your own children, that you never get to spend time with them anymore. Most likely, this will push them away. A better strategy would be to over-emphasize and be appreciative of the time they do offer. For example, if you were able to have a good heart-to-heart conversation with them in the car, say things like: “Thank you so much for sharing. I really enjoy these conversations with you. We should schedule a time every day/week where we can connect. You are super important to me. I hope you know that I love you very much.” It doesn’t have to be that long (unless it’s been awhile since you did say those things) but the sincerity, honesty, and appreciation, has to be there. When your child looks into your eyes, they will know how you feel. If they are a teenager they may roll their eyes, but deep down they are super happy to hear it!

Also, be honest about your own shortcomings that may have challenged the relationship. For example, “I know I’m not the best listener but I am currently working on this.” Or, maybe you haven’t divulged enough about who you are as a person, and therefore have walls up. For example, maybe you can explain to them that you were super shy as a child and how you have dealt with this challenge. Or, that you succumbed to peer pressure too many times and ended up having life-long regrets. Of course, share these things with discretion, basing it on their developmental age and what they are able to hear/understand. If you are not sure, talk to a person experienced and knowledgeable about child psychology.

  1. Re-evaluating Priorities

Continuing on the honesty train, take a good hard look at your schedule right now. Is there scheduled time for each of your children to spend one-on-one time with you? If there isn’tthat changes now! Even if they are grown up and out of the house, and it may seem weird to them (if you haven’t done it before), schedule a call every 1-2 weeks. If they still live with you, no matter their age, you can fit them in. NO EXCUSES.

Really, what is more important? Getting brownie points with your boss and staying an extra hour at work, or more time with your kids? Even if money is an issue, and therefore you think it is more important, unfortunately, most kids (even older ones) do not understand this. They simply see it as you choosing work (or something else) over them.

There is always a way!! Instead of working more, you can do things such as: skipping the movies that weekend and have an at-home movie night in your PJs. Or, don’t eat out for a couple weeks and make cost-effective meals that last, like a huge pot of chili, for example. AND as an extra bonus, get the kid(s) to help and teach them about making this type of food (it may come in handy when they are a poor college student! Ha-ha!) By the way, you can even tell them that’s why you are teaching them. They may laugh or look horrified, either way, it doesn’t matter because you are connecting! And no matter how hard they deny it, they need and appreciate this!

When you really feel there needs to be more of a connection, offer things like, picking them up from a school a bit earlier. Or, having them skip their dance class, so you can go for a walk together and catch up. I know it may seem like you are letting other people/organizations down, but honestly, your child (who is most important) will view it as they are super special to you!

Even my own mom let me stay home from school sometimes when I was stressed out and I really needed some mom-and-me time or some just “me” time. My education didn’t sufferin fact, I ended up going to one of the best universities in my country! I think these “breaks” and quality time actually allowed me to do better because I was less stressed and felt supported and loved. Plus those days I usually got to do something creative or be outside which lifted my spirit and was food for my soul and own healing. Of course, if you are going to allow your child to do this and yourself (i.e. taking a “sick” or “personal” day), don’t do it on a day where there is a big test or anything OK? Ha!

  1. Making the Most of What Time you DO Have by Being CONSCIOUS

So what if you really can’t change or adjust your (or your child’s) schedule at the current moment? My sincere suggestion is to do your best and put your full effort into the little time that is there. By doing so, you will actually feel like you have spent more time with your children, without having to magically make more hours in the day.

In order to put this into practice, certain circumstances need to be in place. For instance, the qualities mentioned above. However, these can be very challenging if you have fallen into certain habits that go against those “quality time” elements.

The best way to rectify this is by being more aware! Awareness allows you to see things like, “Oh, I was just on my phone for an hour, when I could have been spending time with my son.” As you become more aware and realize how important it is to “correct” certain habits, you will start to make the necessary changes.

Here is an example of a shift: After eating dinner, a mother realizes she spent the whole dinner “attending” to others by cleaning off their plates, getting the butter out of the fridge, etc. Instead, she could have “let things be” and start asking her son about his day. After this awareness, she feels her time is running out, as he will soon be jetting off to his room for the rest of the night. So with this awareness, she actually takes the opportunity to say to her son, “Hey I know you may have homework and other obligations, but I’ve noticed we haven’t spent much time together. Since it’s a nice day, do you want to play some catch in the backyard for a little bit?” She may only get 20 minutes out of himbut hey, it’s a start! And when following the elements mentioned before, those 20 minutes may seem like an hour instead! Or better yet, maybe it turns out this is what her son wanted all along, and he wasn’t going to be busy that night, so he offers to go for a walk with his mom after they play catch!

Feel like you never have enough quality time with your kids? Learn 10 plus ways you can get your relationship back on track and feel more connected!

We don’t have to Sacrifice Ourselves

One of the best ways to practice being conscious and present is to do so on your own time! Even if it is for only 5 minutes when you wake up in the morning, it starts to help shift your perspective and seep into the rest of your day.

Self-care is actually one of the major ingredients in providing and creating quality time. We may have looked at your schedule and thought to yourself, “Hmm, well I could opt-out of my yoga class to spend more time with my kids.” Although, it may seem like that is what I am asking you do it, IT IS NOT.

In fact, please, please, please go to that yoga class, therapy session, tea with a close friend, into the bubble bath! A relaxed, happy and CONSCIOUS mom will automatically be able to provide better quality time with her kids! However, I do suggest prioritizing your “me time” activities to conscious ones first such as; meditation, journaling, counseling, etc. Just be sure it is not more than 1 hour a day and that it doesn’t always cut into your time you could have with your kids. For example, try to do these things when they are sleeping, at school, at their own evening class, or at a friend’s place.

Another beautiful thing about carving out time for your own well-being is that we are meeting your own needs, instead of expecting others to do it for us. Unfortunately, unknowingly and unintentionally we put our needs onto our children. Especially in difficult times such as having disputes with our spouse, we can look for comfort in the wrong places. It is always important to remember and be aware that as the parent, we are to be there for them, not the other way around.

We are Equal

As our children grow older into adults and our relationship with them may become more of a friendship- yes, they may naturally start to want to be there for us too, which is totally OK. However, even still, we need to take care of ourselves. By reaching out to the proper resources and networks, we can benefit from the supports available to us. Because, in reality, these other options will meet your needs more fully. And, this will allow your children to not live with any “guilt” that they should not have to live with.

On the other hand, being conscious also means realizing that you and your child are equal. You have equal rights as individuals. Becoming aware of this will allow you to make better judgment calls (such as the element of the proper support mentioned above). You can follow your gut on when to be more involved and when to take a step back. You will be attuned to your child’s needs and to your own. This will result in a healthy, balanced relationship, which also translates into having positive quality time together!

One More Tidbit

One more thing that can help greatly in having more quality time with your children, is to get their point of view! If they are younger they may not be able to verbally tell you, but as you become more aware, you can pick up on their “cues.” For example, my toddler likes to grab my hand, pull me over to our bean bag chair, and pretends to jump to let me know she wants to play her “jumping” game. It is super cute and reminds me, Oh yes, it has been a little too long since I paid her some much-deserved attention.

Otherwise, if they are older, ask them what activities and times they like to spend with you. However, be sure to compromise/choose the one(s) that you know will actually include those “quality” elements. For example, if they say watching movies and going for walks, probably the walk is a better option as there are more moments you can actually connect with them. Unless you are like myself and my mom where we usually like to watch discussion-inducing shows where we can talk through the whole program (or after) about bigger life questions and our own experiences and/or thoughts and feelings.

What do you do to create some quality time with your kids? Be sure to comment belowI would love to hear your thoughts! Also, if you are looking to connect more deeply with yourself and your children, be sure to sign up to our newsletter. On another note, if your family relationships really need some love, my other business, Peace Alive, focuses on just that!

Why Wishing is a Dangerous Practice and What to do Instead

May 8, 2017

Have you often wished for things to be different but the desired outcome has not come? Learn an alternative to wishing that WILL manifest your deisres!

Wishing is not Hoping

Ever since we were children, people have encouraged us to wish. For example, the phrase, “wishing upon a star,” has warped our minds into thinking wishing is the same as hoping, and vice versa. This my friend, is where most of the emotional and psychological danger happens.

I am all for going after your dreams and making the most of this precious life. I am even all for thinking positive about your life and the people in it. Most certainly, if we only think badly about situations and people, there really is no chance of it getting better.

However, what many don’t realize is that wishing (or what they may call “hoping”) can almost do just as much damage. Because in reality, it is actually a form of resistance. Let’s look at the actual synonyms for this word as an example: wanting, needing, desiring, coveting, requiring, craving, demanding, asking, etc. Nowhere on this list (provided by MS Word) is the option of hoping.

All of the words above indicate a sense of desperation. When there is a feeling of desperation present, you know resistance is right by its side.

ResistanceYour Worst Enemy

SO, what is resistance? Well, let’s take a look at its synonyms: conflict, confrontation, battle, struggle and the list goes on!

Resistance happens when we push against something instead of flowing with it. When we do NOT come from a place of acceptance and inspired action. But instead, come from a place of wanting, wishing, demanding, etc.

Here is a hypothetical scenario with two characters as an example. Person A, is a young child who is wishing that they will get lots of presents on their birthday. Persona B, is a mature adult who is hoping their birthday is a pleasant one, and is taking action to make this happen (i.e. ordering their own birthday cake, inviting people over they know who are reliable and giving these same people plenty of time to plan ahead).

Because the child, is only a child, they can’t really do much else but “wish.” But, as you become an adult, you can let go of the wishing and embrace the many different positive possibilities. You can take life into your own hands and create a great day.

And even if for some reason things don’t go as planned, you can choose to still have a good day. You can hope, but not get so attached that you ruin your day by being stuck in disappointment and resisting what IS. You can surrender to other possibilities.

For example, when no one shows up for your birthday and the amazing cake you ordered fell out of the car, you can choose to wallow in self-pity all day. OR, you can choose to do something like this: go to the dollar store, get some decorations, buy a cheap cake substitute (and know you don’t have to share *wink*), come home, sing yourself Happy Birthday, turn on some tunes and create your own dance party, eat cake for dinner, and watch some of your favourite movies without having any interruptions!

In the latter scenario, you are taking life into your own hands and choosing to have a good day, despite the present circumstances. You are choosing to be your own hero, instead of a victim!

One saying that does continue to be helpful is, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This is what people are actually talking about when they say this. Use your divine intelligence and love to transform every moment into an opportunity.

A Way to Make Lemonade

I am not saying that you do not have a right to your feelings and shouldn’t be disappointed. Of course, you can have your initial feelings, but don’t let yourself get stuck there! Here are some methods that I used recently to help me through a difficult situation:

  1. Called a person I trusted to discuss my feelings and be open to a different perspective.
  2. Meditated. As always, Oprah and Deepak had perfect timing when they recently launched another free 21-day meditation challenge. And guess what? This time it was on HOPE. Be sure to check out their latest here.
  3. Used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is also known as “Tapping.” This allowed me to move past my anger and hurt and look for solutions. If you want a free guide on this method, be sure to check out this page.
  4. Wrote my heart out. First with raw feelings, allowing everything to come out with no judgement. Then, after an epiphanythis article! If you would like to learn more on how writing can help you heal and be happier, check out my free e-course here.

Have you often wished for things to be different but the desired outcome has not come? Learn an alternative to wishing that WILL manifest your deisres!

Another Danger of Wishing

As mentioned above, resistance is the main danger of wishing. However, there is another consequence I would like to discuss, that often has rippling effects of destruction.

Wishing, because it first occurs when we are a child, it can put us back at a place of being immature, naïve and more vulnerable emotionally. Even though children are great at getting what they want, usually it is at an expense of a power struggle and manipulation.

As parents, we know that sometimes, what may seem unfair is actually for the best. It is the parents’ job to set clear boundaries, so children grow up with integrity.

Even as adults, if we are aware, we can quickly identify who was spoiled, or who had more enlightened parents. For example, the person who lies and manipulates to get their way versus the kind and honest person that naturally gets what they want because they simply asked nicely. And even after not getting what they want, instead of holding a grudge or stomping their feet, they make lemonade.

Getting trapped in the mindset of your inner-child is not a healthy place to be. It can have consequences on all of your relationships. However, for healing it is necessary to have awareness of this and work through it privately. In the free writing course mentioned above, I walk you through this process, so you can start making more conscious and mature decisions, which inevitably will help you get what you want/need more often.

From Wishing to Hoping

Let’s get back to discussing the actual process of wishing. I don’t know about you but when I picture someone wishing, they are on their knees in a pleading position. However, when I think of the true meaning of hoping I see someone walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

Two things to take note about the hope image above are:

1) The person may be in darkness but they know there is light eventually.

2) They are taking action (walking) towards their desired result. They are taking responsibility and not expecting someone else to fix it for them.

The next time you are in a situation where you “wish” for it to be different, think of this image and what it symbolizes. Tell yourself the following, “I can choose to see light in this situation or at least see the light at the end, that is coming soon. Here, I will find peace. I also choose to listen to my higher self/spirit for guidance on what the next inspired action is. Then, I will listen and follow through.”

Coming from this place will give you the BEST chance of turning around a situation AND the best chance of it happening quickly!

Wishing is a desperation out of the ego. Usually our wishes are shallow, and are often unfulfilled. However, our true hopes and dreams are deep, come from a higher place, and are aligned with the universe. Therefore, are more likely to be manifested, when purposeful action is taken.

So, wish all you want, but you will not attain your most meaningful desires, until it is transformed into HOPE.

Besides the suggested tasks already mentioned, I encourage you to do the following, so you can start to have awareness if you are in a place of “wishing” or “hoping”. Make a WISH list and a HOPE listthen compare the two! You will start to see the difference and even delete many of your wishes, as you know they will naturally come forth once your hopes are realized. Or, better yet, you may realize that you don’t need to wish for these things at all, because your life can be gloriously fulfilling without them!

Be sure to share your results, in the comments belowI would love to hear thoughts! Also, if you are looking for more intuitive tools to help you achieve your deepest hopes and dreams, be sure to sign up to the newsletter. Or, if you opt-in for one of the free tools mentioned above, you will automatically be signed up to the newsletter. And of course, you have the choice to “opt-out” at any time, here or anywhere!

 

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

3 Ways on How to Kick your Tough Emotions to the Curb

April 18, 2017

Feeling overwhelmed? Anxious? Irritable? By using 3 of my favourite tools, say good-bye to tough emotions and finally find some peace!

And it begins… 

OMG, why is my husband so annoying?! Why is my kid so annoying? Why is the lady at the pool so annoying? Oh wait… maybe it’s not them that’s the problem. Crap. Here I go again…. 

One of the challenges of being a “sensi” is that because we are sensitive to our own emotions and others, things can often overwhelm us. This can also mean that on our bad days we can turn into a hot head due to an overload of irritating triggers – or, a basket-case, due to saddening triggers.  

One of my main struggles is taking things personally and needing things to be a certain way to help my anxiety and to feel safe. But I have learned that these are MY problems, not others’. People are doing the best they can, at their level of awareness. They can’t read your mind, or have the capability of knowing or even fulfilling your every need when you need them to. It’s a bummer, I know, but, we got to get it right for ourselves so we don’t cause our emotional storm to surge and drag others with us. 

The 3 Methods

So, you are probably wondering, “How the heck do we do that?” when our emotions are so strong and we feel they are so real? Well, there are actually many ways, but here are the 3 I used today, to get back to my happy place: 

  1. Breathed and breathed some more. I know, obvious right? I am sure you have heard this one but it is sooo true! However, this morning during my flustered and tired state I kicked it up a notch with yoga. Yoga is so awesome because it helps the mind focus on something other than your crazy thoughts. You can focus on your breath, a chant or how good that stretch feels! And you don’t have to be a “yogi” or an athletic person- you can benefit no matter who you are.
  2. Went beyond my comfort zone and had some water fun with my 1 year old. I know not everyone believes in astrology and quite frankly, not sure if I do either, ha! But, my daughter and I are water signs and being in water seems to help get our Zen back. Not to mention, doing something lighthearted and fun always allows a release of negative tension. Point is, get in touch with the elements (preferably outdoors) and have some fun!
  3. Got it all down on paper and became aware that these are just thoughts! Not me! After the above activities I didn’t feel burdened with emotions anymore BUT, my mind was still trying to suck me into a negative thought pattern. So, my cure for this was to write about it!  Remember, your true self is the awareness of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves! Once you can detach from them, your ego lets go of its tight grip, because it is not identifying with the thoughts or issue anymore. This activity also helps when I go into “beating myself up” mode for the not-so-nice things I did or said in the heat of the moment. It allows for me to forgive myself quicker, release the negative charges, learn from my mistakes and be a more positive person the next time (and lessen “next times”).

Feeling overwhelmed? Anxious? Irritable? By using 3 of my favourite tools, say good-bye to tough emotions and finally find some peace!

But what if I don’t have time for these long-ish methods? 

OK, I get that you may have a hectic schedule and therefore, don’t have the time to pause and do these tasks to get your emotions under control. However, you DO have the time. Even if you do a short version of these throughout the day it will help greatly. For instance, at work, use your breaks or bathroom breaks to really take those slow deep breaths. Or, go for a short walk on your lunch, or stand outside for a couple minutes and look up to the sky. To lighten up, draw a funny cartoon about the situation, or play some cards on your break: whatever you fancy that helps you feel like a fun-loving kid again. For the 3rd method, even if you can only find a crayon and a napkin, write down those feelings: point form if you have to! 

You Matter and…. 

Your emotional well-being matters! Not only for yourself, but for the people you love, don’t love and don’t even know! It is essential that you make it priority when you are seeking to live a more fulfilling and joyful life. 

If these methods don’t seem to be working for you, I have plenty more up my sleeve that will. Be sure to sign up to our newsletter for effective strategies to control, release and be free of those emotions! Also, feel free to let me know how you deal with emotional overload, in the comments below or shoot me an e-mail at [email protected]riseaboveliving.com

An Unexpected Reason for Your Low Self-Esteem

April 10, 2017

Low self-esteem? Feel misunderstood? Discover why being introverted in an "outgoing" society could be your source of pain and how to deal with it!

Although this post contains affiliate links, all opinions are my own.  Please see the Disclaimer page for more information.

The Struggle

Basically, most of my life I have suffered from low self-esteem. Today it is much better but there still are bad days where I think I am scum of the earth. In fact, I think even the most confident people can have these “bad” days.  

There were many reasons I could say why I had/have low self-esteem, such as; having been teased a lot for having red hair, being a younger sibling to 4 older ones, my weight at times, not being popular in school, living below the poverty line many moments in my life, etc. However, the level of pain due to this low self-esteem did not seem justified from these external factors. 

Most people probably believe that others, or they themselves, have low self-esteem because of external attributes. This could include things such as weight, social class, race, their unique interests, etc. All of these things can be seen from the outside. But what if there is another type of prejudice that plagues others but, is rarely talked about?  

The Secret Prejudice

These are internal prejudices. Meaning, they may be able to be recognized from the outside (from the way one talks, dresses etc.) but more often it is not obviously seen. It is an aspect of one’s personality. This is why it goes deeper and can be more painful than external factors that are sometimes changeable and often not really “personal”. When someone claims they don’t like you because of your race, yes it is painful because you can’t change that either but, you can just chalk it up to them being ignorant and perhaps let it go easier. However, when someone claims to not like you, because of, well, who you actually are, it cuts even deeper.  

The time where I finally figured out the main reason for my low self-esteem was a liberating one. I just had a baby a few months before, so I had a lot of time where I couldn’t do much but read. This was a blessing because the last thing I wanted to pass down to my baby girl was my low self-esteem!  

This ah-ha moment regarding my self-esteem was also great timing because I was going through some mild postpartum depression and could certainly use a confidence boost. I say mild because I was not treated for it nor did I receive professional help, and I am still alive, but it was not “mild” by any means. 

The Source of My Ah-Ha Moment

The book was Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. I highly recommend this book if you identify with being an introvert or want to understand someone in your life better who can be described as being so.  In the book, Cain frequently discusses our first class societies and how extroverted people are more favored.

This is not hard to see when you are looking for jobs and the most common attributes used are words like; energetic, friendly, outgoing, etc. Or, when you look at the type of people in our society that are idolized (actors, musicians, etc.). Even if these celebrities claim to be introverts by nature, they certainly don’t appear that way to the everyday person. 

Low self-esteem? Feel misunderstood? Discover why being introverted in an "outgoing" society could be your source of pain and how to deal with it!

You are Needed, Wanted and of VALUE

If you can relate to this and have felt the underlying prejudice and felt pressured to become someone you are not, I am here to tell you to not cave. You ARE good enough. In fact, you have amazing gifts to give to the world. After all, where would all the talkers be if there were not listeners? This world is all about balance when it comes to keeping peace, and there is no balance if we are all trying to be like someone else.  

Be proud of who you are, find a way of expressing it that you are comfortable with, and do NOT apologize for it.  

Have you felt this underlying prejudice in our society? If so, in what way? Please comment below. Or, if you would like further help releasing your low self-esteem, sign up to the newsletter today! I have plenty of goodies to share that can assist in your seeking journey.